Drifting Towards You
by Artemis1000
Summary: After Scarif and the Death Star's destruction, Jyn and Bodhi are left adrift, left behind by a galaxy moving too fast for people who don't know their place in it. Although they may drift, they are drifting together.


Summary: After Scarif and the Death Star's destruction Jyn and Bodhi are left adrift, left behind by a galaxy moving too fast for people who don't know their place in it. Although they may drift, they are drifting together.

Notes: Written for musamihi for May the 4th Be With You exchange. Thank you for the lovely prompts! I had a lot of fun writing for this one.

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 **Drifting Towards You**

 **by Artemis1000**

"We could just… not go back."

It's Jyn who said it, quietly but without shame. It happened on one of the many evenings they sat together on the steps to their seedy inn, and watched the crowds bustle past.

It's funny, you would think after miraculously surviving a suicide mission you wouldn't get a minute to yourself anymore, but somehow the exact opposite had happened.

They, the survivors of Rogue One, did their duty and then they got swept up and swept away by the tide of events they had set off. Bodhi had narrowly managed to get the survivors out in time, a miracle by itself considering the odds stacked against them, and Cassian had dutifully steered them back to Yavin 4 just in time for the next catastrophe to hit.

Alderaan had been destroyed by the time their heavily damaged U-Wing dragged itself home, then the rebels had to scramble when the Death Star came to Yavin 4. It was one thing after the other, and Cassian and K-2SO neatly inserted themselves back into their rebel lives, while Chirrut came to understand why Baze and he had been spared when so many others died on Scarif. Luke, the young Jedi Princess Leia had run into, could use a Guardian of the Whills to hone his kindness into wisdom.

Jyn and him, though…

"It's nice here," Bodhi replied as his eyes followed an elderly Twi'lek lady dragging a cart with fruit to her market stall. She was surrounded by a gaggle of children who were more hindrance than help to her, yet her annoyance was so blatantly an act that Bodhi couldn't help smiling at them.

"It's almost like Jedha." Jyn sounded nearly as wistful and pained as Bodhi felt, and it made him wonder exactly when she had left Saw Gerrera's insurgents. Before or after they came to Jedha? He had always assumed before; then she insisted on an inn right at the edge of the bustling marketplace that was so reminiscent of NiJedha's that watching the crowd was hurt and healing alike.

They'd ended up here in the scramble of the evacuation when the Death Star arrived; Bodhi who had not yet been cleared to fly any kind of rebel ship suddenly thrust into the pilot's seat of an old transport. It had been filled to the brim with frightened people, technicians, civilian personnel, hopefuls who had not yet received any training. He had been given the coordinates of an Outer Rim planet that should be safe, hopefully, for a little while, and sent on his way.

"I still can't believe they destroyed the Death Star and we weren't there to see it," Jyn huffed. She tucked her chin into her huge scarf and frowned at the tips of her dirty boots.

"We did our duty."

"And now we have been forgotten."

"I don't think…" He frowned, and looked down at his hands, which held on to his knees too tightly not to betray how nervous he was. His pants were as dusty as her boots. The evacuees had scattered all over the planet to avoid arousing suspicion, but Jyn and him had stayed together. No words had been needed. They had known. "I'm sure they want their troops back, at least."

But so far the orders had been to stay put, and attract no attention. The Yavin base was in the process of being emptied out now that the Empire knew where to find them, and there was no point for any who had successfully fled it to return, only to flee elsewhere.

There hadn't been any new orders since.

"Maybe we have been forgotten by the commanders," he conceded. "But our friends wouldn't forget us."

"Maybe they should."

Bodhi pulled his gaze away from the lively bustle on the market square and turned it on Jyn, finding her solemn, but not grim. He would have expected her to look angry, or sad, but she looked merely pensive. Again, he found they were in synch. It kept happening a lot lately – or maybe it had always happened, and they'd just been too caught up in everything else to notice. During their mission Jyn had spent most of her time with Cassian, and Bodhi had needed all his strength to keep going, and not break down and scream while he struggled to piece his broken mind back together. They hadn't even spoken about Galen until they returned from Scarif. If they hadn't made it, he would have died regretting it.

"We could not go back," Jyn said again. "We could board a freighter, as long as we help out aboard we should be able to afford passage. You're good with repairs, right? You could be a tech. And I'm good at… other stuff." She tucked her chin further down, this time it struck Bodhi as self-conscious.

"They might have need for a thief," he replied, only half-joking. The kind of ship that would take them without asking questions would likely have just as much use for a thief as for a technician.

"They might."

Vaguely, Bodhi wondered when _him_ and _her_ had become _them_.

Next to him, Jyn tucked her legs closer to her chest. "They broke me out of prison, and I helped them with my father in exchange for my freedom. I paid my debts."

She hadn't gone to Scarif because she was the Rebel Alliance's prisoner, no more than he had. Bodhi might not understand why she had gone – not yet, but he was unraveling the mystery that was Jyn Erso one thread at a time, and he could wait. What he did know was that she had wanted, no, _needed_ to go for reasons which had nothing to do with her deal with Mon Mothma. He only needed to look at his own need to see it reflected in her.

"Or we could stay," Bodhi said, and again took note of the _we_. It came so easily to him.

There would be no him staying if she left, he knew that much, but he also knew that there would be no her leaving if he stayed. Bodhi had always doubted himself, but the odd thing about Jyn was that she quieted his doubts.

She squinted at him now, on the verge of angry, though he had learned to look beneath the anger. He had needed to learn. Galen had been right when he had told him that Jyn was every inch her mother's daughter, understanding Galen hadn't helped at all with understanding Jyn.

"And do what?" she demanded. "Go back to getting in the way?"

"I wanted to fly again, actually," Bodhi said firmly. He refused to let himself get bogged down in any petty arguments, that was one of the things he had learned. "I like the U-Wing. Or I could learn to fly their X-Wing. It's very different from flying a transport, of course, and I didn't make the cut for the TIE program… but I have better reasons to work hard this time."

Jyn stayed silent. She'd never spoken of what she wanted to do.

"You'd be a good rebel pilot." Her voice was gruff, but the look she gave him was vulnerable, and like she was bracing herself for hurt.

Bodhi's breath caught in his throat. This moment right here and now felt as decisive as that moment on Scarif, when the grenade landed in the ship. One wrong move, and it would blow up on him just as spectacularly. And just like then, there was no time to think, to worry, or to doubt. It was all do or don't, like when you gambled. You could count the cards as well as you liked, but there came a point when you had to take a risk and hope for the best.

His fingers curled into her messy hair. Jyn tilted her head back. Her eyes were level with his chin when they stood chest to chest, but now that they sat on the dirty stone steps the size difference didn't matter. Bodhi heard his heartbeat echo in his ears, and he heard Jyn's breath hitch. Far, far away there were other sounds, the sounds of a marketplace almost as lively as the ones he had known on Jedha. Even the smells were almost the same. Having worked on the market all day, Jyn, too, smelled almost of home. Their lips met, both of theirs were chapped, they didn't quite fit. Their noses bumped, and Jyn tugged a little too harshly at his hair till she had him exactly where she wanted him.

With a little bit of effort, they fit well together.

She didn't taste sweet, she didn't feel soft. Bodhi had never expected anything else from kissing Jyn Erso, he was okay with that.

He framed her face with both hands and lost himself.

Jyn pulled away first, and scowled at him. "What was that?"

Bodhi's heart stuttered. "I…"

"Why?"

Cold settled in his belly, for the first time it wasn't easy or simple, and all his doubts crashed down on him at once.

But there was no way back now, he'd already passed the point of no return. Bodhi didn't know a lot for sure, but in that moment he realized that he wanted to take this risk. Sure, his heart was racing, but he wanted to have hope, he wanted to believe that good things could happen to good people. He also wanted to believe they had done enough to be good people.

"I want us to go together, wherever we go." His hands dropped to her shoulders, but he didn't release her. He wasn't ready to cut his losses at the first obstacle, not after everything they had been through together already. "We've both lost everything else, but…"

"…we can gain something new." Her fingers combed through his hair. She had stopped pulling away.

It wasn't getting back the imperial life that had become a nightmare once his eyes had been opened to the reality of it, it didn't bring Galen back to life and it certainly wouldn't bring back all the people who died because Bodhi chose to take Galen Erso's message to Jedha of all places.

But when he looked at Jyn, he saw his own losses mirrored in her eyes, and he could breathe a little bit easier through the pain. Maybe it wasn't what great romances were built on, maybe others would look at it and say it wasn't right or good at all, yet all that paled in comparison to finding peace.

They both moved forward at the same time and met in the middle.

They tasted and explored another, and didn't pull back till the giggles of passing children made them look up.

Bodhi's fingers curled into Jyn's hair. He realized he wasn't ready to release her, and a moment later he realized she was no more ready to pull away than he was. "I bet the rebels have need for a thief, too," he murmured. His voice was just as quiet as hers has been when she suggested they leave.

She scowled. "I'm not even much of one. I got caught."

"And you escaped."

Her scowl deepened. "I was rescued."

"Exactly."

They fell silent, and Bodhi's hands fell away. They went back to watching the marketplace, side by side, shoulder by shoulder. Jyn leaned into him only slightly, but demanding all the same, and when Bodhi wrapped an arm around her, he permitted them both to pretend that it was because she was cold. It was easier this way.

"I can't leave." His voice didn't shake, but it sounded frail to his own ears. Frightened. He frightened far too easily, he knew that, and maybe fear was ultimately what had driven him to rationalize serving the Empire instead of picking up arms against it. He'd come up with so many excuses why he wasn't _really_ doing harm by just doing his job … "I'm tired of being afraid to look into the mirror. If I run away I'll never be able to finish making up for what I did."

"It's not your fault," Jyn said, her voice curt again.

"I joined the Empire. I went back to Jedha. I…" Bodhi swallowed hard. He kept stubbornly facing forward. "I believed your father when he told me I could redeem myself for all the times I hadn't done anything. And we succeeded, but the price…" He gripped his thighs again.

"My father's always been good at making other people pay the price for what he considered necessary," Jyn muttered, and Bodhi found himself suddenly, starkly reminded that she had enough reasons to hold a grudge of her own. He understood why Galen Erso had done what he did, but Bodhi didn't know if he could have forgiven his father for settling into a life of working for his mother's murderer. Bodhi only knew he hadn't been able to forgive himself for anything yet.

They went back to their silent vigil.

"Are you sure?" Jyn asked after a while, and hid even more of her face behind her shawl and jacket.

Bodhi tightened his hold on her. She peered at him from the corner of her eyes, he politely pretended to be ignorant of it. "I'm not. But I know I can't act like the war doesn't concern me. Somebody has to take on the Empire."

"You sound like Cassian," Jyn snorted, but her scorn was laced with fondness.

"High praise," Bodhi shot back blithely.

Her derisive snort turned into one of laughter. She rubbed at a stain on her pants. "You're their pilot. I'm just…"

"You're more than Galen Erso's daughter. You're you."

"Jyn Erso, small-time crook?"

Bodhi opened his mouth to reassure that she was more than that, but Jyn knew her own backstory. If she was looking for reassurance, listing her skills wasn't what she was looking for. "You won't be alone. And neither will I."

She finally looked up, squinting at him with so much suspicion still in her eyes. Bodhi was reminded that he still barely knew her, and couldn't say for sure that he ever would. He wasn't privy to her struggle, yet he wasn't worried. After another long moment of staring him down she nodded firmly. "Okay."

He blinked. Or maybe he knew her even less than he had thought. "Just like that?"

"What else is there to it? It's yes or no, and I'm saying yes. Just don't change your mind and leave me with all these picture-perfect soldiers while you run off to podrace in the Outer Rim."

Bodhi opened his mouth to argue. He snapped it shut again. Maybe he didn't need to understand. "Okay. Deal. We're in this together."

Smiling, he held out his hand to Jyn. She shook it firmly, and grinned back.


End file.
